The role of matron of honor and maid of honor can be confusing. So, how do you know which one to choose? The answer depends on your relationship with the person and what you’re hoping for from that person on your wedding day.
Maid of Honor vs. Matron of Honor
You will have an honor attendant for your wedding, and this person is usually your best friend—whether or not they are related to you. Traditionally, the honor attendant will have more responsibilities than bridesmaids, and they’ll often help plan out details of the day.
The maid of honor is unmarried while the matron of honor is married; however, it doesn’t always work that way in modern times. Today’s brides may want their mothers to be both maids of honor and matrons of honor because they would like them both to get a more meaningful role in their special day.
Where did these roles and traditions come from?
- Legends have it that ancient Romans believed evil spirits would haunt weddings! In an attempt to protect the bride and groom, the wedding party was dressed in identical outfits to confuse the wicked ghouls.
- These identical outfits also served the purpose of bamboozling any jealous men who may try to steal the bride away from her wedding ceremony!
- The Maid of Honor’s primary duty was to stick by the bride, dressed identically to her, to confuse any threats – natural or supernatural – until she was safely married. Now that is a lot of responsibility!
What is the difference between a maid of honor and matron of honor?
It’s really easy—a matron of honor is a head bridesmaid who happens to be married, while a maid of honor is unmarried. In both cases, these roles are considered leaders of the bridesmaids, meaning it’s an extra-special honor often bestowed upon the bride’s sister, other close relative, or best friend. And remember, a maid or matron of honor doesn’t have to be a woman—we’ve seen plenty of weddings with men of honor, too!
Maid of honor Vs. matron of honor duties and responsibilities
Now that we’ve covered the basics of Maid and Matron duties at a glance, let’s dive deep into what each role entails.
While your matron and maid of honor may have different names, they share the same duties.
So what exactly is a matron of honor / maid of honor ’s job?
The MOH is considered the bride’s best friend who gives her life advice and often helps plan her big day. On top of being someone close to your heart, she should also be someone who can help you keep things together while planning a wedding!
Matron and maid of honor duties include:
- -Lending the bride your ear and being her support system
- -Assisting her if she decides to make DIY wedding favors or decorations
- -Helping her shop for a wedding dress
- -Organizing shopping trips for bridesmaid dresses, shoes, and accessories
- -Helping her choose a flower girl gift, ring bearer gift, and bridesmaid gift for the other members of the bridal party
- -Booking venue(s), sending invitations (if not already done) and coordinating with the rest of your wedding party.
- -Planning pre-wedding events ( bachelorette party, bridal shower and so on)
- -Acting as the point person for guests on the wedding day
All of these duties are something that the entire bridal party may participate in. As MOH, however, you’ll keep in touch with her most, which makes it an honor!
Note: The MOH might not be responsible for helping brides with wedding planning. In some cases, brides don’t want any help planning, while others rely on their MOH to help them make important decisions. All depends on the bride!
What Does the MOH pay for?
If you’ve ever been part of a wedding party before, you already know that there are some costs involved. Here’s what MOH can expect to buy and pay for:
- -MOH bridesmaid dress and shoes
- -A bridal shower gift
- -A wedding gift
- -A portion of the cost of the bridal shower
- -A portion of the cost of the bachelorette party
- -Travel expenses if the wedding is out of town
It’s customary for the entire bridal party to chip in on the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Just create a budget that the entire bridal party is comfortable with and split the cost amongst the entire group.
Can I have both a maid and a matron of honor?
Yes, absolutely! Your wedding day is your wedding day, so you’re making your own rules. If you have two sisters or two best friends, one is married, but the other isn’t-you could honor both! Heck, you can even have two matrons of honor and no maid. However, we recommend limiting your honor attendants to two.
While there are no rules on how many MOHs to count, being an honor attendant is, well, an honor. It symbolizes the closeness of your relationship and the bond you have together. If you have too many honor attendants, the role may feel less special. With only one or two honor attendants, the role retains its exclusivity and special-ness.
Who walks first: a maid of honor or a matron of honor?
You guessed it—there are no rules! The ‘maids usually walk down first, followed by the MOH with the bride last. It’s a simple line-up if you have one maid or matron of honor. But with two MOHs, you have more flexibility. As an example, you can have the maid and matron walk down together and/or the best man. Or, you can have them walk down one-by-one like the other ‘maids. If so, you would need to decide who will go first.
Your MOHs are the best candidates for that decision. For example, having the youngest go first (unless they don’t want to attract attention to themselves). Generally, ring bearers or flower girls begin the whole procession, so asking the younger MOH to go first would match tradition. Depending on which MOH has been more involved in planning things out so far, you may also ask either (or both); perhaps this person knows better where everything should be during this time? Ultimately, it all depends on what works for everyone involved.
Where do they stand in photos?
Because the MOH usually stands next to the bride for group photos, navigating two MOHs can be tricky—but it doesn’t have to be! We recommend simply sticking with the order in which everyone walked down the aisle. That means whoever walked down last, just before you did, should be next to you at the altar and in photos with the entire wedding party. Of course, when you’re taking photos with just the bridal party, you can have a MOH on either side of you! But for the whole-party photos, keep everyone in the order that they walked down the aisle in.
Do your maid of honor and matron of honor wear the same thing?
In general, the maid of honor wears something similar to the bridesmaids—but with a little embellishment. This could be a dress with bead- or lacework, a different bouquet, or even a dress in a slightly lighter or darker shade.
If you have two MOHs and want them to match each other: Have them do so! Matching can be fun if you want it to be, but there are no rules for this thing! If none of your other ‘maids are matching it would look strange for your MOHs to be identical (unless they’re twins).
However, if your entire wedding party matches, we recommend keeping your MOHs in similar dresses (or skirts or pants). For example, if you want beadwork to set your MOHs apart, make sure their dresses have different patterns. That way, their dresses are unique from the ‘maids’ dresses and also unique from each other.
Can I just have bridesmaids?
- You can also have both a Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor. Some couples like having just one person in charge of their wedding day, but others feel that two people are better suited to filling this role. It’s completely up to you!
- Or none at all! If you can’t decide which of your bridesmaids should be your MOH then do not worry! It’s really not essential for you to have one, and as long as you have support and help along your wedding journey then it doesn’t really matter anyway. Some brides decide to have a ‘Chief Bridesmaid’ instead; someone who perhaps simply oversees the roles and delegates jobs to the rest of the squad
How can I ask my friend to be my maid of honor?
There are so many fun ways to ask your closest buddy to play this key role in your wedding. Whether you are asking in person or from afar, you could give them a gift to make them feel even more important and show them how much you love them.
There are loads of awesome branded gifts like sweaters, socks, mugs, or even necklaces. Even a bottle of wine if they like a drink! You could also combine both ideas and send the Maid of Honor something along with the request for her to be part of your big day.
FAQ
How many maids of honor can a bride have?
A bride can have two maids of honor.
Is it weird not to have a maid of honor?
It is normal not to have a maid of honor. In fact, it is pretty common in casual and small weddings.
How do you choose a maid or matron of honor?
As traditional as the wedding, the role is traditionally played by the person with the closest and most significant relationship, such as a friend or sister. Consider the role’s responsibilities in order to narrow down candidates. The MOH should be dependable enough to fulfill its duties and be able to afford the financial requirements, as well.
Do both the maid and matron of honor give a speech?
Yes, if both are part of your wedding party, they should both be speaking (unless one is personally not interested). It is possible for each of them to deliver their own speech or combine their efforts on a grand toast.
Does my maid or matron of honor have to be a woman?
The truth is NO! Many men or someone of honor have taken on the title of honor, no matter what gender they are. Some brides even opt to have both a MOH and a man or person of honor stand by their side.
Key Takeaways
- A maid of honor and a matron of honor have essentially the same duties.
- A matron of honor is married, while a maid of honor is single or unmarried.
- You can include both in your wedding and divide the wedding duties between them.
Conclusion
The difference between a maid of honor and matron of honor is very minimal. You have a lot of options, and there’s no right way to do this. If you want to have both a matron and maid of honor, that’s fine! But if you want just one or the other—or even neither—that is also perfectly acceptable. This decision should be based on what feels right for your relationship with each person (and your wedding in general).
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