If you’re going to give a funny wedding toast, you’ll need some pretty hilarious oneliners to guarantee belly laughs and an unforgettable speech, right? If you give a wedding speech, whether it be a groom’s speech or you are a parent of a newlywed, most people will end with some type of toast. Why not make it funny?
Parents and friends of the couple will generally toast to the happy couple – and brides or grooms giving toasts will often toast to their partner. Whether you’re giving a speech on your own wedding day or the happy couple have asked you to say a few words, you’ll want to round off with a hilarious wedding toast.
Funny Wedding Toast Ideas for the Maid of Honor, Best Man, or Best Friend’s Speech
“May we never forget
what is worth remembering
or remember
what is best forgotten.”
-Anonymous
Long-time friends, bridesmaids, and groomsmen can enhance the laughter at the wedding by tactfully alluding to our most uncomfortable, embarrassing, and drunken memories, perfectly embodying the “always leave them wanting more” approach to giving toasts.
“[Partner one] stole [Partner two’s] heart,
so [Partner two] stole [Partner one’s] last name.
All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely,
considering neither of them ended up in prison…”
-Anonymous
A best friend can add humor to a wedding speech by playfully poking fun at the cliches while still being charming, which is sure to get the audience laughing.
“One more time, I’m going to ask everyone
to charge their glasses and
– for those who still can – stand,
raise a glass to the newlyweds.”
-Anonymous
A playful teasing of anyone who may have overindulged at the open bar, especially if the speaker is slightly inebriated, can foster a sense of unity among the guests and is an ideal conclusion to a toast given by someone who has shared many parties with the newlyweds.
“[Newlywed 1] and [Newlywed 2],
before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other.
You’re now looking into the eyes of the person
who is statistically most likely to murder you.
To the happy couple!”
-Anonymous
More Ideas
To the bride and groom, may you always live in a world where Netflix and chill means cuddling on the couch and watching your favorite show.
May your love be as strong as tequila,
as sweet as sugar,
and as fun as a karaoke bar.
Here’s to the happy couple,
may your love be as adventurous
as a road trip and as comfortable
as a warm blanket on a rainy day.
May your marriage be filled with
more love, laughter, and happily-ever-afters
than all the rom-coms you’ve watched combined.
To the bride and groom,
may your love continue to blossom like a sunflower,
always reaching for the sun.
“Here’s to the happy couple,
may your marriage be as long-lasting as a timeless classic,
and as exciting as a page-turner.
May your love be as solid as a rock,
as warm as a fire,
and as sweet as a home-baked pie.
May your marriage
be as beautiful as a sunset
and as unforgettable as a shooting star.
Here’s to the happy couple,
may your love be as bright as a supernova
and always light up each other’s lives.
It’s not appropriate for everyone to make a joke about murder during a wedding speech (such as the mother of the bride). However, a bold maid of honor, a witty best man, or a comedic best friend in the wedding party might be able to get away with it. Remember, humor is subjective.
Funny Wedding Toast Ideas for the Mother of the Bride or Groom or Father of the Bride or Groom’s Speech
“A good marriage is one where each partner
secretly suspects they got the better deal.
That’s unfortunate for these two!”
– Anonymous
This joke, meant in good fun, is ideal for the parents of the newlyweds who enjoy teasing their children about being silly, but would fiercely defend them against any negative comments from others.
“I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds:
never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.”
-Anonymous
This joke is perfect for the father of the bride or groom who’s known for his corny dad jokes and has likely made many throughout his own marriage. It has a sentimental message, which is that jokes are always funny when they come from your spouse.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
– Henny Youngman
This humorous remark, delivered by the father or mother of the bride or groom while raising a champagne glass towards their own spouse in the audience, will spark recognition and laughter from the married and long-term couples present. Despite the humor, it carries a hint of truth: Marriage isn’t always easy, but the good ones are always worth it.
“I love being married.
It’s so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
– Rita Rudner
This classic quote is both humorous and accurate, and is a heartwarming joke from a parent who experienced the annoyance caused by the bride or groom for a minimum of 18 years before passing that torch to their future in-law.
“The best way to get most husbands to do something
is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
– Anne Bancroft
Jokes made by wives poking fun at their husbands are always popular among the crowd (sorry husbands), but this joke can be adapted to any couple by changing the gender. The speaker can also modify the word “old” to fit the couple better, such as using “bad with technology” as a humorous alternative.
“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
– Anonymous
Marriage can be challenging, but that doesn’t mean it’s not humorous. Although guests at the wedding reception naturally hope for a happy marriage for the honored couple, it’s entertaining to jokingly acknowledge the potential arguments and disagreements that lie ahead for them. And who better to comment on that than the parents of the couple!
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”
– Henry Kissinger
Parents of the newlyweds are the ideal sources of wise marriage advice. This well-known quote will certainly generate some laughter, but it also carries a meaningful message to live by as the marriage progresses: always remember that both partners are on the same team.
Funny Wedding Toasts and One Liners
To ensure your funny wedding toast packs a punch, you want to keep it short, snappy and most importantly…funny!
- “Before you marry a person, you should first watch them use a computer with slow internet – that’ll show you who they really are.”
- “All you need is love…but a takeaway now and then doesn’t hurt!”
- “My advice? Don’t ever laugh at your partner’s choices because you were one of them!”
- “You were married by a judge – you should have asked for a jury.”
- “Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight.”
- “Marry an archaeologist – they older you get, the more interested they become in you.”
- “There’s only one way to have a happy marriage…and as soon as I learn it, I’ll get married again.”
- “As Dr Seuss once said, ‘We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love’.”
- “Saying ‘I do’ at your wedding is like clicking the ‘Accept’ button any time something pops up on your computer screen. You just do it despite having no clue what it actually means.”
- “You know you’re killing it at the whole marriage malarkey when you ask your partner to pass you ‘the thingymajig’ and they know exactly what you mean.”
- “We’re gathered here today to honour something that is so truly magical, special and wonderful. Of course I am talking about that cake!”
- “True love does not come from finding the perfect person, luckily for you guys.”
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
- “May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom.”
- “Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.”
- “Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree. But if, perchance, we ever do, then here’s to me, to hell with you.”
- “May our children be blessed with rich parents, and my looks!”
- “May your marriage be filled with love, laughter and happily ever after. Unless you’re one of those couples who hate endings.”
- “Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a choice. But you guys have been choosing each other for a long time, so it’s not really that hard for you.”
- “Here’s to the bride and groom, who finally found someone to put up with their habits and quirks.”
- “May your marriage be as strong as the internet connection at a wedding.”
- “May your marriage be filled with as many adventures as the groom’s speech.”
- “To the couple who proved that even in the age of Tinder, you can still find love at first swipe.”
Funny Marriage Advice for Wedding Toasts
What’s a wedding toast without some funny marriage advice for the newlyweds, eh?
- “I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame.”
- “To the happy couple. May you share everything in live, especially the housework.”
- “May neither of you ever lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. If you must cheat, cheat death, and if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds!”
- “May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.”
- “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
- “Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting really tough.”
- “Marriage is a wonderful thing entered by two people. One who can’t sleep with the window shut, and the other who can’t sleep with it open.”
- “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park”
- “Marriage is not just an emotional connection, it’s also about remembering to take the bins out.”
- “To keep a marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong, admit it, and when you are right, shut up!”
- “[Insert name] was incomplete before he/she got married. Now they’re married, they’re finished.”
- “Love is blind, but marriage, marriage is the eye opener.”
- “Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays.”
- “In the words of the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf.”
- “And now for my final words of advice, if at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way [insert partner’s name] told you to do it.”
- “Love is like toothache – it doesn’t show up on an X-Ray, but you know it’s definitely there…”
How to End a Wedding Speech With a Funny Toast?
If you’re wondering how to end a wedding speech with a funny toast, these one liners will definitely help. Remember to introduce the next person as well if someone is speaking after you!
- “Time to raise our glasses to the happy couple because I like both of you – do you have any idea how rare that is?”
- “Before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!”
- “Now let’s toast to the two secrets to a happy marriage. Humour and short-term memory.”
- “Before we raise a glass to the newlyweds, I’d like to share a Pauline Thomason quote with you: ‘Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.’ To the happy couple!”
- “To marriage – the only war where, once a month, you sleep with the enemy.”
- “For one more time, I’m going to ask everyone to charge their glasses and – for those who still can – stand, and raise a glass to the newlyweds.”
- “Raise your glasses and join me in congratulating you the happy couple on the huge mound of debt they’ve just acquired from throwing this wedding!”
- “May you raise your glasses to marriage and the sacred bond between two people, and let me be clear…I said ‘sacred’, not ‘scared’.”
- “To love, laughter, happily ever after – and to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!”
- “So finally, a toast to the happy couple. Thank you for buying us all dinner today, so kind of you.”
- “I’ll end this toast with my best advice – never go to bed mad. Instead, stay up and fight it out.”
Funny Quotes for Your Wedding Toast
Use these humorous bits to offer the newlyweds wisdom and advice with a wink in your toast.
- “The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf.” — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
- “We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love.” — Dr. Seuss
- “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
- “Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Dr. Joyce Brothers
- “Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
- “A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.” — Unknown
- “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles Schulz
- “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” — Henry Kissinger
- “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash
- “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones
- “If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.” — Unknown
- “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” — Unknown
- “If at first you don’t succeed…try doing it the way your wife told you.” — Unknown
- “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally
- “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henny Youngman
- “The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” — Mac MacGuff in Juno
- “You’ll know you’ve mastered marriage when you ask your spouse to hand you ‘that thingy’ over there and they know exactly what you mean.” — @sixfootcandy on Twitter
- “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
- “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin
- “If your husband tells you you’re being too dramatic, don’t forget to bow when you thank him.” — @3sunzzz on Twitter
- “Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to Ikea on a Saturday with an empty stomach is not.” — @maryfairybobrry on Twitter
Comments are closed.